WHITE ROCK MOUNTAIN, AR – In a stunning announcement that sent shockwaves through the outdoor recreation world, developers have unveiled plans for Arkansas’s first-ever ski resort, situated atop the scenic White Rock Mountain. The Totally Rad Ski Resort & Spa is poised to revolutionize winter sports in the Ozarks, boasting artificially generated snow sourced from Shores Lake and an impressive array of ski runs catering to all skill levels.
“This is a powder dream come true for Arkansas,” said Mayor Biff Snooterson of nearby Possum Ridge. “We’ve always said, ‘If you build it, they will shred.’”
With cutting-edge snowmaking technology developed by the prestigious Flakey Science Institute, the resort promises perfect skiing conditions even in the mild Arkansas winters.
Resort Features according to the White Rock Mountain Ski Resort announcement:
🏂 Slopes for all levels, from “Bunny Hop Hollow” to the expert-only “Nope Cliff.”
🔥 A cozy lodge featuring a massive fireplace, complimentary marshmallow roasting, and hot cocoa infused with just the right amount of Arkansas spirit.
🎿 A rental shop stocked with top-tier ski and snowboard gear (including stylish mullet-friendly helmets).
🍽️ A mountaintop restaurant, “The Gravy Chalet”, serving Arkansas-inspired ski fare like fried catfish fondue and biscuit sliders.
🌟 Night skiing, illuminated by a cutting-edge LED system (and possibly a few headlights from parked ATVs).
Skeptics raised concerns about Arkansas’ lack of natural snowfall, but resort spokesperson Glacie McSlide assured reporters that they had a plan.
“We’ll be using an innovative, high-tech humidity-to-snow conversion systems,” McSlide explained. “If all else fails, we’ll just ask every Arkansan to leave their freezer doors open for a few hours.”
Environmentalists, however, remain cautiously optimistic. Dr. Bea Leafitt, a conservation scientist, noted, “While we were initially skeptical, the developers assured us they would respect the natural beauty of the Ozarks—aside from covering it in artificial snow, of course.”
The grand opening is scheduled for December 2025, with construction expected to begin “just as soon as we stop laughing.”
For those wishing the read the full White Rock Mountain ski resort announcement, please visit the White Rock Mountain Lodge and Cabins.🎉
#TotallyRealSkiResort #SkiTheOzarks #ArkansasAlpine #AprilFools #ShredTheSouth
A couple of other similar articles from years past:
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Little Rock to Soar to New Heights with Pinnacle Mountain Chairlift Groundbreaking
- IMBA Revises Advice for Riding Muddy Trails
8 Responses
Ya’ll suck! You had me so excited!
We need something like this in the Ozarks!
We used to have a ski lodge and lift in Jasper years ago.
So you are willing to destroy one of the most absolute beautiful secluded destinations in Arkansas with its stunning views, historic WPA era structures and ethereal quiet to build a phony fake snow tourist trap? Unbelievable! This after just reading about the proposed downgrading of the protective status of the Buffalo National River. Pathetic.
You didn’t actually read the article.
You got got! Next time read the article!!
Funny. Good one
LOL! I forgot about April Fools and was going to correct your reporting. There’s already been a ski resort in Arkansas at the original Dogpatch near Jasper! No April Fools about that!
Can’t wait to try the fried catfish fondue and biscuit sliders! Great article! 🙂